I went to a Halloween party l ast night and got wasted! Whoo! I dressed up as Tommy Gnosis from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Twas awesome. Tons of girls telling me my make-up was better than theirs...well duh! My roommate C went with me and showed his penis to everyone. (No Comment) He went as The Clap. I drew a vagina on his t-shirt and he carried around a little thingie of cottage cheese. Gross. On the back of his shirt it read "If you're happy and you kow it, get The Clap!" lol.

Tonight I am going to a Haunted House on the East Side. Spooky. We'll se how it goes. When I watch scary movies they don't bother me, but everytime I've been in a "haunted house" it scares the crap out of me cause I don't know what to expect. Movies are easy, life is terrifying. Hm...new motto?

C

I got into a huge fight with my dad. I told him that I never want to see him again...and I don't. I finally confronted him about 10 years of physical and mental abuse and he denied everything, claiming that it never happened. I was so fucking pissed, I was crying and yelling and throwing things. When I told him I never wanted to see him again, all he said was, "Well, that's your choice." Thanks Dad, love you too. At the end of our conversation, I screamed at him, "So at Thanksgiving and Christmas when your side of the family iswondering where the hell I am for the next however many years of my life, tell them that I'm not there because of you becauseI never even want to be in the same room as you again."

I hate him.

Charles

My BGB (Big Gay Bro) has ended his blog. He has another one though. Wondering how that one will go, considering that it will probably have basically the same content I don't know why he had to change. His old blog will be missed dearly but the new one will be enjoyed and read also.

Took my friend W to LIPS the other night. Had fun when Rayjene stripped our shirts off during the drag show. We were like the only guys in there under 45...all the drag queens loved us. W fell in love with Tiffany who is a drag queen too. I wonder if that makes him straight now because he is attracted...and I mean ATTRACTED to a womanly figure or just plain crazy. Whatever. If you ever go, I suggest the Lobster Ravioli (I came just eating it) and their frozen cosmos (thank GOD they don't card!). The shows are amazing. All the waitresses are DQ (drag queens not Dairy Queens) and they do a show every hour or so. Mostly bachelorette parties and girl's birthdays but every so often there's a fag or two there. Good times.

Charles

p.s. Sorry for not inviting you JM

Yesterday, my roomate C and I went looking for a new place to live. We looked at two seperate places. One that was HUGE but ugly and a second that was HUGE and nice but had small bedrooms...I liked the second one but seeing now that it would be a strain to live in. C hated both places. Our friend A from work is also going to move in with us. We need a place where we can all live happily and if we took the second place that I liked, A would be stuck in the tiniest room and that's not fair. Blah blah blah, I hate realtors.

C

So if you've been reading my blog, you know about my problem with my ex. I still love him. I am sending him the letter I have been talking about today. I was going to send it yesterday but there was something wrong with the disk...go figure. I am going to post the letter here now but it will only be up for a few days before I take it down...Wow, I am getting all open and raw with this blog thing...lol...good right?

THE LETTER HAS BEEN DELETED AS OF NOVEMBER. SORRY TO THOSE WHO HAVE MISSED IT. THANKS FOR READING.

This morning I went to a taping of the Martha Stewart Live show. I twas a barrel full of monkeys. Or more like puppies. It was an Animal Episode. Gloria Estefan was there and they cooked Cuban food and Gloria plugged her new book as much as she possibly could, bless her heart. I was invited to the taping by JM, my Big Gay Bro. We had an awesome time....except for the yuckfest that is NYC today. Rain, rain, rain....I hate it. JM's bf R is also having a Martha experience today. He will be making a debut on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart tonight at 9 p.m. on NBC. It is not clear yet whether his character will be a recurring one or not. Hey, a girl can dream.

Still having problems with my G situation. I have written him a long letter explaining how I feel about everything. Why I am mad, sad, missing him, still in love with him, etc. Don't know if I should send it. I still haven't called him either. I just feel like two years down the tubes is a waste of time and we should try to make it work. There was really nothing wrong with our relationship. We never fought, we knew each other inside and out, never lied to each other, had amazing sex. I could really use some advice. I would like to thank scrappy rose for taking interest. Hope you can help a little more.

Love,

C

Have you ever been so in love with someone that you can't talk to them?

G keeps calling me and I keep ignoring all of his messages. "It's over" I keep telling myself. We are supposed to be friends, but for some reason I just cannot see him or talk to him. I love him too much. I keep going through this cycle of being flooded with memories and depressed, then angry at him, then wanting to see him. Right now, I do want to see him. But I know I can't. Everytime we hang out, I keep waiting for him to say what a mistake all this is. Even though I broke up with him. Any advice?

Thanks,

C

I just spent almost three hours at brunch with some of my favorite people in NYC. It was JM, his bf R and a former co-worker and friend W. We sat in Washinton Square Park and talked for hours. Juicy gossip, cute boys, etc, etc.

Also, I am just getting over having been ill. I think it was the flu. Stomach pains, almost but not vomitting, head-ache and coughing...so everyone wear warm clothes, drink lots of OJ and water and stay healthy.

Off for now, this internet at Kinko's gets expensive fast. I NEED INTERNET!

C